As you all may have noticed, I’ve been largely absent from the tumblrverse recently, and with good reason. I’ve been reconsidering many things, and two weeks ago I made the steps to withdraw from UNC. It was a hard decision and few outside my family, my boyfriend and my closest friends will ever understand my reasons behind it. The list was truly endless, but the biggest and most concerning reason was my stress. I was under a load of stress unlike any I ever felt before, and with no end, but also no purpose. I am an artist right now, no degree necessary. Plus, art history, as much as I love it, was a completely pointless career option. The humanities is a very limited field to go into, and I didn’t want to devote myself to a career that would literally consume my life for little reward. So, knowing that what I was doing was literally futile did not help. Couple that with feeling like I was going to crack…and I had a problem. I knew I couldn’t make it through exams. I was having to engender constant support from my family and Zander just to make it through each hell-like day. Studying and even concentrating in class was a nearly unbearable burden. So, I left.
And, it worked our beautifully well.
Not only have all fees I would have had from canceling my meal plan and housing been removed from my account, but what I feel emotionally is priceless. I feel so free! I feel alive for the first time in months. The entire time I was at UNC, I was not Amelia. I swear, that place has a strong spiritual force that you have to experience to understand. It creates a driving obsession in people, and for me it only increased my perfectionism. Grades were all or nothing. Give it your all…that’s the only option. So, that’s what I did, daily, to the detriment of my life. I felt dead inside since week one, but over the past two weeks, I’ve come alive again. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I moved out, and to be honest, I don’t miss that place a bit. Many may worship the blue cloaked Ram, but I never drank the kool-aid. To some, UNC is blue heaven, to me it was a pastel hell. But, it is over. I’ll miss the few good people I left, but I know that it wasn’t for me. I am much happier. I’m me again. The world feels open and bright again, my future one of many possibilities. For these reasons, I know I did the right thing.
Amelia is back in town…